


like an ashtray heart

by orphan_account



Series: stay [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: (as in relationship break up not band break up), Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, ex-lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 21:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Whatever you need</em>, he thinks, <em>always.</em></p><p>(title taken form the song "ashtray heart" by captain beefheart)</p>
            </blockquote>





	like an ashtray heart

Frank can’t quit him.

He may not want to kiss him anymore. He may not want to do a lot of things they used to do, but he can’t quit him. Sometimes he feels like, if he did, Gerard would fall apart, so he doesn’t; he can’t. It’s only a matter of time before things like this start happening.

Gerard is sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, his body shaking with sobs. Frank is sat across from him, he doesn’t touch him. He’s stopped trying to a while ago.

“Fuck, I hate this,” Gerard’s voice is high-pitched and raspy, like he’s about to break. He feels like he might be. “I hate this, I hate you.”

Frank has learnt not to take it seriously when he says things like that, especially if he’s crying, the same way he’s learnt not to talk to him or try to touch him when he get like this. Most of all, he’s learnt to understand that these things are going to happen no matter what; no matter how clear he makes it that it’s not Gerard’s fault, no matter how many times he tells him he’s beautiful inside and out and someone will love him again. No matter how many times Frank tells him he loves him, just not in that way.

“The one good thing that’s ever happened to me and you just take it away, just like that” Gerard’s words clench Frank’s heart, claw at it “It must be so easy for you”.

And, no, Frank won’t allow that.

“No. No, Gee, okay? No. This isn’t easy for me, it has never been” and he’s not lying, not exactly. True, his chest feels a bit less constricted since they stopped being together, but he can’t think of anything harder than coming to terms with not wanting to be with Gerard anymore. If he doesn’t cry right now, it’s because ran out of tears back then. 

“Fuck off” Gerard spats, and Frank regrets having spoken right away “Have you fucking seen yourself?! The way people look at you?!” He stands up and paces angrily across the bedroom; Frank just sits back and takes it. That’s what he gets.

“Fuck, I always think about it, how you must have it so easy, how you must connect with so much people, how it must be so easy for you to have something meaningful” He tries so hard to stay angry, but quickly his voice breaks and turns into a watery whisper “How I’m nothing compared to everyone else who’s ever wanted to be with you, how no one else has ever wanted to be with me, how…” He stops there in the middle of the room, covers his eyes with his hands like he’s trying to keep more tears from falling out. It’s dead quiet in the bedroom besides his tiny sobs and the sound of the wind outside, and Frank thinks Gerard looks so small, even if he’s standing above him.

“Gee, it’s not…” He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself “It’s not like that.” And he’s not lying.

Gerard hugs himself, holds himself together because he’s the only one who can. “Go” he whispers, avoiding Frank’s eyes at all costs. “I need you to go right now” And that’s never happened before, Frank realizes.

When it gets this bad, they stand in silence until Gerard calms down, they chat a bit to lighten the mood afterwards. Only then, only when they’re fake-laughing and cracking jokes like nothing just happened Frank can leave. He’s never left Gerard in this state.

“It’s okay” He stands up, rubs Gerard’s arm a bit but pulls away when he sees him flinch “If that’s what you need” _Whatever you need_ , he thinks, _always._

Gerard nods and walks him to the door. He doesn’t walk him to the bus stop and almost forgets to say goodbye. Frank is freezing in the cold wind as he waits for the bus to arrive.

No, Frank can’t quit him.

**Author's Note:**

> didn't mean to make this a series but i did.  
> that okay?


End file.
